we are the poop cleaners

AlAnn Ranch, Ash Fork, Arizona
Ann
The heart and soul of the ranch. Not a woman you want to mess with. Has guns, into shooting animals particularly elk (but only if she gets to eat them afterwards), used to be a sheriff's deputy and a long-distance truck driver. Often kind, generous, helpful, interesting. Occasionally foul-tempered and mean. Taught us how to knit. Refers to the technique of getting alpacas to move by grabbing their bum-hole as "touching the button". Works a full-time job as well as running this place. Knows a lot about animals and most things. Tries to keep a year's worth of food for four people stored in the house at all times. Loves canned food. She is both inspiring and terrifying.

Al
Drinks a lot, not all in one go but pretty constantly from the moment of waking to going to bed. Hence Ann having to be such a powerhouse of resourcefulness. Has an amazing accent, listening to him talk is incredibly relaxing and often boring as after a few beers he has a tendency to tell you the same story many, many times. Likes chopping wood. Good in a crisis, he is calm and controlled (despite the booze) even cuts alpacas' teeth several drinks into the day.

Erin & Ryan
25 year old couple from New Jersey, also wwoofers on the ranch. Lovely, thoughtful and generous. Ryan wants to try everything and is good at all of it, funny too. Erin is a jolly happy person, sings a lot.

Christian & Ethan
19 year old wwoofers from Massachusetts, both work on a farm back home after deciding college was not for them. A little wary around Ann but lots of fun when apart from her sometimes over-powering nature. They camp out every night no matter how cold it gets (always below freezing).

Kyo & Leila
The housecats. Often sleep at the end of our bed. Kyo is the more mature. Leila still a kitten really, spends the entire day (and night) chasing fluff and pebbles. Kyo waits by your side at every meal, hoping for some leftovers. Leila will drink out of any glass of water left around.

Ash & Major
Big dogs. Ash runs around the farm barking at coyotes and the very few passing cars we get out here (20 mins on a dirt road from the nearest proper road). She takes a while to warm up to you but is the biggest softy going and incredibly gentle, loves being stroked. Major, her brother, is tied to a tree in the llama pen as he killed several cats and chickens, still absolutely gorgeous around people he just wants a fuss made of him. He does a surprising amount of poo.

Topper, Kitty, Baby
The outdoor cats. Only Topper will let you stoke him and then only occasionally. These guys are huge, supplementing their diet with many mice, I imagine.

Alpacas (and llamas) (and half breeds)
There are 46 alpacas, two llamas and two half breeds. Turns out they're worth a fortune. The most expensive alpacas selling for $30,000! We spend our day cleaning up their poo, checking their water, halter training the little ones (bribing them with alpaca "candy" to walk round on a leash) for shows and then feeding. On weekends when Al and Ann are here we get to do more tasks like building fences, killing and canning chickens, moving rocks and herd health - this has mostly consisted of cutting alpacas teeth. Alpaca dentistry consists of the following process: grab your intended victim, as it is the older alpacas who need their teeth cut this requires around three people, jab them in the butt with a mild sedative, depending on the animal repeat up to three times, when woozy force the alpaca onto the floor then sit between two and four people on its back to keep it there, the person at the front must hold the alpaca's head up and jaw open by holding a piece of rope in its mouth, then cut teeth using a tiny diamond saw while someone sprays with water so it doesn't all get too hot.
Never believe an alpaca (or any animal) when it tells you it hasn't been fed, they do a good line in looking innocent, hungry and whining.
They are very cool.


Matthew (Mateo)
Our favourite. A surrey just a few months old. He has shaggy blond hair and when we arrived no name so we named him after Matty Shawson. Matthew didn't work well with Ann (other alpaca names include Octagon, Pretty Boy Floyd, Silver Cloud, Mystery, Senegal, Pegasus... you get the picture) but she seems to be happy to go with Mateo, to honour his South American roots. He's a clever little chap or just very greedy but he's excelled at halter training and has no problem with human company.


Patchy Girl and goat (oops)
Cow and goat duo. They mostly fend for themselves in a 30 acre field. The goat likes to head-butt Patchy Girl when it gets close to feeding time. They are a ridiculous couple.

Ducks
Have no fear of humans. Waddle around the farm all day. Slow to come for their dinner so Ross spends ten minutes defending it from the roaming chickens.


Chickens
Both free and caged. Dumb animals. Their number has fallen dramatically since our arrival with the young cockerel killing the older one and us slaughtering 10 of their number. It is hard to find the eggs of the birds wandering free, they are clever at creating new and hidden nesting places.